Fort Snelling: Minnesota's Original Gated Community

 

Fort Snelling: Minnesota's Original Gated Community

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for October 11, 2026

I spent Thursday night in Westminster, Colorado, for a quick customer meeting before flying home Friday. The weather was beautiful, and seeing the Rocky Mountains in the distance never gets old. Unfortunately, neither does my reaction to the altitude. Apparently, my lungs consider anything above Minnesota's elevation to be an extreme sport.

On Saturday, Miss Sheri and I decided to visit Fort Snelling. Amazingly, in the 30+ years I've lived in Minnesota, I'd never visited the state's first National Historic Landmark. Apparently, I've spent three decades driving past 200 years of history without getting curious enough to stop. In my defense, nobody ever mentioned there were cannons.

Fort Snelling was built at Bdote, a sacred Dakota site where the Minnesota and Mississippi rivers meet. The high bluffs made it the perfect spot to control river traffic and keep an eye on approaching trouble. Apparently, the location was pretty intimidating because nobody ever attacked the fort. Two centuries later, Minnesota's original gated community still has a perfect security record.

The Round Tower was probably the coolest part of Fort Snelling. Built in 1820 with thick stone walls, narrow gun openings, and room for a cannon, it was designed to make life miserable for anyone foolish enough to attack. We climbed the winding stairs to the top, where it became pretty obvious why nobody ever tried. Amazingly, an electrician & his wife actually lived inside the tower in the 1930s. Nothing says marital bliss quite like sharing a giant stone bunker with your spouse. Especially one designed to withstand a siege.

We also got to see some cannons from the fort's early days, but unfortunately, they wouldn't let us fire them. Seems a little nanny state to me. Imagine how much more popular this place would be if every visitor got to launch a cannonball at the fort's walls. What better way to demonstrate 200-year-old craftsmanship? Sure, you'd eventually destroy a National Historic Landmark, but think of the ticket sales!

We toured the barracks to see how soldiers lived through the years. In the more modern setups, each soldier actually got his own cot. In earlier days, two soldiers had to squeeze into each tiny bunk together. Imagine surviving a long day of military training only to discover your sleeping arrangements involved spooning with a sweaty guy named Earl. And people complain about basic training today!

There's also a fascinating museum covering the fort's history, including some pretty dark chapters. Dred and Harriet Scott were enslaved here, and Dakota people were forcibly confined at the site following the U.S.–Dakota War of 1862. Needless to say, the early settlers and U.S. government don't exactly come across as the good guys in many of the exhibits. Feels very Minnesota. We built a museum to celebrate our history, then spent most of it apologizing for what happened.

Believe it or not, highway planners nearly turned Fort Snelling into a cloverleaf interchange in 1956. Thankfully, cooler heads prevailed, and I'm glad they preserved this incredible piece of history. I found it fascinating imagining life as a soldier stationed here 200 years ago, when fur trading was big business and Minnesota was still mostly wilderness. No electricity, no internet, brutal winters, and your biggest excitement was probably watching a guy negotiate the price of a beaver pelt. Suddenly, my job doesn't seem so boring.

We also stopped at nearby Fort Snelling State Park for a little hiking. Unfortunately, it was 90 degrees in the middle of October, because apparently Minnesota has decided seasons are now just suggestions. We didn't make it very far before deciding we'd experienced enough nature for one day. Nothing says fall in Minnesota quite like admiring the autumn colors while flirting with heatstroke.

Saturday night, Avery and Abby invited Miss Sheri, Luke, and I over to watch some college football and see pictures from their recent trip to Japan. It was great hearing about their adventures, sharing some laughs, and just having everyone together. After a day exploring 200 years of Minnesota history, it was a nice reminder that my favorite memories are still the ones we're making right now. Although I have to admit, watching the boys grow up, get married, and travel the world makes me wonder how the hell I got this old so fast!

@toddswank Rest in Peace, Mike Ditka! #ditka #bears #legend #chicago ♬ original sound - Todd Swank

The Minnesota Zoo Has a Serious Pumpkin Problem

 

The Minnesota Zoo Has a Serious Pumpkin Problem

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for October 5, 2026

The calendar flipped to October, which apparently means we’re required to add a little spookiness to our lives. So Miss Sheri and I headed out into the darkness hunting for something creepy. We found it. Lots of it. And apparently it had been expecting us.

Our search for some October spookiness brought us to the Jack-O-Lantern Spectacular at the Minnesota Zoo, where more than 5,000 carved pumpkins light up the woods. With pumpkins everywhere, colorful lights, music and fog, it’s quite the spectacle. I’ve seen plenty of jack-o-lanterns in my life. Nothing quite like this.

Abby’s family was visiting from Georgia, so we asked what they had planned while they were in town. When they mentioned the Jack-O-Lantern Spectacular, we jumped at the chance to tag along. We’ve been here before, but getting to experience it with Abby’s family made it even more fun. Turns out inviting ourselves along was an excellent decision.

Abby’s dad Andrew and I get along pretty well, so I don’t think he minded us crashing their party. We had fun wandering the trail together checking out the pumpkins. Apparently we’ve reached the age where this qualifies as a pretty wild Monday night.

What impressed me most was the artwork. Local Minnesota artists help create more than 5,000 illuminated pumpkins, and the detailed ones are basically sculptures. They project images onto the pumpkins, sketch them, then carve and shave different depths to create incredible shadows and detail. Some of the big ones can take up to 20 hours to finish, with themes ranging from animals and monsters to celebrities and pop culture. I struggle with three triangles and a crooked mouth, so these people are clearly practicing some form of pumpkin witchcraft.

All in all, it was a pretty awesome way to spend a few hours with family. A beautiful fall night, thousands of glowing pumpkins, and some good people to enjoy it with. I’m not sure when walking around in the dark looking at vegetables became quality family entertainment, but apparently we’re there.

Sunday brought us to U.S. Bank Stadium to witness an epic battle between our hometown Minnesota Vikings and the formidable Miami Dolphins. Okay, “formidable” might be overselling it a bit, but after decades of Vikings fandom, I’ve learned never to look at an opponent and assume anything good is about to happen.

I went to the game with my #1 son, Luke. Some people might think Avery would be offended by that, but according to the official family record books, Luke was born two minutes before him. So technically, I’m not playing favorites. I’m just respecting the birth order.

The Vikings came into the game 3-0, which might be the shakiest 3-0 start in NFL history. We signed Kyler Murray to a one-year deal this offseason, and while he’s shown flashes of the guy who once went #1 overall in the draft, the jury is still very much out on whether he can be our long-term answer at quarterback. I’m still hopeful. Of course, being a Vikings fan basically means finding new and creative ways to remain hopeful despite decades of evidence suggesting otherwise.

The defense was outstanding again, and somehow our kicker is making a legitimate case for team MVP. Five field goals accounted for all 15 points in a 15-10 win, pushing the Vikings to 4-0. It hasn’t exactly been a dominant march through the NFL, but good teams find ways to win games when everything isn’t clicking. Four weeks in, the Vikings keep doing exactly that. I’ll happily take ugly and undefeated.  SKOL!

@toddswank Jordan Mason gave the Vikings a running game. We enjoyed it briefly. 😂 Now we wait. Hurry back, Jordan. 🟣 #SKOL #Vikings #JordanMason #NFL ♬ Unleash the Beast - Apple Core

@toddswank More than 5000 hand carved pumpkins at the Minnesota Zoo’s Jack-O-Lantern Spectacular! #jackolantern #pumpkin #minnesota #halloween ♬ original sound - Todd Swank

@toddswank Used AI to give Mystic Lake’s construction a fast-forward button. Looking at that entrance, I’m starting to think my slot losses should qualify for a naming plaque. 😂 #MysticLake #PriorLake #Minnesota #AI ♬ sonido original - serendipity

@toddswank Five field goals. Every single Vikings point. Against the Dolphins. Somebody get our kicker an ice pack for his foot and another for his back from carrying this entire team. 😂💜 #SKOL #Vikings #NFL #KickersMatter #MiamiDolphins ♬ original sound - Broken.

A Wedding Weekend in Des Moines, Iowa

 

A Wedding Weekend in Des Moines, Iowa

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for September 27, 2026

I’m starting to realize most of my social life lately revolves around sitting at a table and eating with different people. This week started with taking one of our favorite grandmas, Grandma Linda, out to Texas Roadhouse. She doesn’t eat much anymore, but that doesn’t stop us from bringing her along. Somebody has to watch me eat enough food for both of us.

Tuesday night the eating tour continued as we checked out Chula’s, the newest Mexican restaurant in Prior Lake, with our good friends Tom and Kellie Wolf. Apparently one restaurant wasn’t enough, because afterward we walked downtown to get ice cream. I’m choosing to focus on the word “walked.” At least I’m getting a few steps in on my way to becoming a glutton.

Saturday we headed south to Des Moines, where we spent the night practically in the lap of Iowa’s State Capitol. It’s a pretty spectacular building, completed in 1886 and topped with a 23-karat gold-covered dome that rises nearly 275 feet above the city. It looked especially impressive glowing outside our hotel window at night. 

Of course I can’t come to Des Moines without hanging out with my old buddy Krazy Kory. Keeping with this week’s apparent theme, I figured we should document the occasion by taking a picture of us eating. We met at Jethro’s BBQ in Altoona, where I had some excellent boneless chicken wings covered in spicy sauce. At this point, I’m basically just traveling around the Midwest finding different people to eat with.

The real reason for our trip was the wedding of the son of one of my oldest friends, “Jammin’” Jason Davis. We go back to our high school days on the Clear Lake wrestling team, were roommates at a couple different colleges, and best men in each other’s weddings. After surviving all that together, ending the friendship now would require way too much paperwork.

I’ve known Seth since he was born, but this was our first time meeting his new wife, Annie. She seems like a lovely young lady, and it was great seeing the two of them together. Their ceremony was beautiful, personal, and full of smiles, and we were really happy to be there to help them celebrate such a big day.

The River Center in downtown Des Moines made for a pretty spectacular setting. The restored historic building sits on the site of Des Moines’ first brewery and is filled with exposed brick, steel beams, reclaimed wood, and some absolutely enormous sliding wooden doors. I have no idea what originally required doors that size, but apparently early Des Moines had livestock roughly the size of dinosaurs. It was a really unique place to watch Seth and Annie get married.

There’s something pretty inspiring about watching young people get married. Seth and Annie were surrounded by friends and family, with nothing but dreams and excitement about what comes next. It made me a little nostalgic for when Miss Sheri and I were that age, starting our own adventure with absolutely no idea what we were doing. Come to think of it, that last part really hasn’t changed much.

We had a great time at the reception catching up with family members we’ve known for decades but haven’t seen in years. There’s something funny about trying to cram ten years of life into a 20-minute conversation. “Kids good? Still married? Everybody healthy? Great, we’re caught up.” It was genuinely nice seeing people we’ve shared so much history with and realizing how quickly all those years disappear once you’re together again.

It was especially nice catching up with Jason’s wife Amy after so many years and sharing such a special weekend with their family. One minute Jason and I were wrestling in high school, and somehow now his son is married. We had a wonderful time celebrating Seth and Annie, reconnecting with old friends, and eating my way through Iowa. Life moves fast. Weekends like this remind me to enjoy the ride.

@toddswank The entrance of the wedding party for Seth and Annie Davis! #wedding #entrances ♬ original sound - 💚☠️ꀘ꒐𖦴𖦴ꌦ💀🖤

@toddswank I asked our Vegas Loop driver how we’d get out if the car got stuck. His answer involved a window breaker 😳 Then he explained when the door could open. Apparently “how do we escape?” isn’t in the welcome brochure. #VegasLoop #LasVegas #HyperLoop #TheBoringCompany #WindowBreaker ♬ original sound - Todd Swank

@toddswank I almost said no to night snorkeling with manta rays in Hawaii because all I could think about was sharks. My sister talked me into it—and I nearly missed the highlight of our trip. At one point, six manta rays were doing slow barrel rolls beneath us. One brushed my belly, and it tickled. 😳 Some of the best memories start with “absolutely not.” #MantaRays #NightSnorkeling #HawaiiTravel #OceanAdventure #FaceYourFears ♬ original sound - Todd Swank

Minnesota Summer Has Been Placed on Season-Ending IR

 

 Minnesota Summer Has Been Placed on Season-Ending IR

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for September 20, 2026

 Somehow we’ve already burned through two-thirds of September, which means Minnesota summer is basically standing at the door with its coat on. I’m not ready. I don’t want winter. I don’t even want to discuss winter. We’ve been lucky to fill these past few weeks with trips, games, boat rides, dinners, and time with some pretty amazing friends. Summer may be disappearing way too fast, but at least we can now begin the long Minnesota tradition of pretending 45 degrees is still nice out.

We were supposed to take Orlando and Nancy out on the boat, but apparently Prior Lake had reached its legal limit for middle-aged people pretending they still know how to party, so we went to Charlie’s instead. Over dinner and a few drinks, we did what good friends do: laughed at old stories, created some new ones, and once again solved most of the world’s problems. None of our solutions will ever be implemented, of course, but maybe that’s not the point. Maybe the real win is having people you still want to sit around a table with while the years keep moving faster.

We did manage to squeeze in another night on Prior Lake when our good friends Troy and Rhonda Brown invited us out on their brand-new boat. It’s a beautiful ride, which was great right up until I started mentally comparing it to mine and discovering several new things I apparently “need.” Mostly, though, it was another perfect Minnesota evening on the water with good friends, good conversation, and the kind of night that reminds you why we put up with this place the rest of the year.

Troy and Rhonda’s new boat has enough room that we could invite the kids along too, which is a nice change. My boat technically holds eight, but once you get past six, it stops feeling like a boat and starts feeling like somebody accidentally launched a crowded elevator. We love having the kids with us. We just also enjoy being able to turn around.

I had the chance to sneak down to Clear Lake for one night and met Krazy Kory for dinner at Prime N Wine in Mason City, a place we’ve been going to since it was the Back 40 back in the ’80s. Back then we had more hair, worse clothes, and somehow thought acid-washed jeans were a good idea. We were also considerably rowdier, which I’m pretty sure is still in there somewhere. Give us the right song, the wrong idea, and about 20 minutes, and I think we could find it again.

I finally made it back to Jason Alexander’s annual Cabin Classic after missing the last few years. The crowd was a little smaller this time, but it was great catching up with the guys who made it. Since I officially retired from golf earlier this summer, I graciously spared everyone the experience of watching me turn a perfectly good golf course into a crime scene. Instead, I saved my competitive energy for poker that night, where at least when I make a terrible decision, I don’t have to go looking for it in the woods.

That Sunday was the Vikings’ home opener, and we were fired up to watch them kick off the season against our most hated opponent, the Green Bay Packers. Even better, we were finally going to see our brand-new quarterback, Kyler Murray, make his Vikings debut. After an offseason of speculation, optimism, and the usual Minnesota ritual of convincing ourselves this time will be different, the moment had arrived. We just didn’t realize how brief that moment was going to be.

Miss Sheri splits our Vikings tickets with Luke and Avery, and every year they hold a draft to decide who gets which games. Packers is usually the first pick, so this was Sheri’s first chance to see them in a couple of seasons. That’s probably for the best. She loves the Vikings, but she loves screaming obscenities at the Packers almost as much. There are young children sitting around us, and I think exposure to that version of Miss Sheri should probably be limited to once every two or three years.

The game was every bit as incredible as we hoped, although watching Kyler Murray leave with an injury was definitely not part of the plan. Carson Wentz stepped in and somehow turned the afternoon into an amazing Vikings win, then followed it up today by beating the Bears in Chicago. Two games in, Minnesota is now the only undefeated team in the NFC North, so I think we can safely stop pretending to be reasonable. The Super Bowl is inevitable, the parade route is basically set, and I see absolutely no historical reason for Vikings fans to temper our expectations.

Miss Sheri’s college friend Robin was in town from Hawaii, so she and their friend Cathy spent the day catching up and eventually wandered through the aquarium at Mall of America. I haven’t been there in decades, but judging from the pictures, not much has changed. The sharks are still sharks, the turtles are still turtles, and the jellyfish are still floating around accomplishing nothing. Apparently the only thing that has evolved significantly over the years is the price of admission.

Us fellows joined them for dinner, and the night quickly turned into one of those tables where everybody is laughing loud enough that the people around us probably assumed alcohol was doing more of the work than it actually was. We don’t get to see Robin nearly enough living all the way in Hawaii, so when she’s back in town we try to squeeze every possible laugh out of the time we get. Distance makes friendships harder, but apparently not quieter.

To get even further into the autumn spirit, we headed to Timberwolves HQ for Rookie Training Camp. Since the Wolves are obviously going to win the NBA championship this season, we figured it was financially responsible to lock in a half-season membership before the rest of Minnesota catches on. The event was basically orientation for new members, where they walked us through all the benefits, perks, and important details we’ll need to know when we’re attending playoff games well into June.

Walking through the hallowed halls of Timberwolves HQ, we came across this photo from the night Kevin Garnett was drafted in 1995. It felt especially fitting knowing the Wolves will finally retire KG’s jersey this season. For a generation of fans, he wasn’t just the best player on the team. He was the identity of the franchise, the guy who made Minnesota basketball matter. Anthony Edwards may someday take that crown, but KG will always be the guy who built the throne.

The event ended with a walk through the Lynx practice facility, which was pretty cool. On the other side of a curtain was the Timberwolves practice court, and naturally that area was treated like we were trying to enter a nuclear launch facility. We tried sneaking a peek, but they had staff guarding both sides to make sure nobody accidentally witnessed an NBA player dribble a basketball. Apparently some secrets are just too dangerous for the general public. So we left without compromising national security and officially began a new season as Timberwolves members. If they win the championship, I assume we deserve at least partial credit.

What Happens in Vegas Goes on ToddSwank.com

 

What Happens in Vegas Goes on ToddSwank.com

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for September 14, 2026

Miss Sheri and I spent Labor Day weekend in Las Vegas, where The Venetian comped our room because apparently I’ve proven I’m bad enough at gambling to be considered a valued customer. I continued proving them right, but fortunately Vegas has plenty to do besides handing casinos your money. So we spent three days eating too much, seeing ridiculous shows, wandering Sin City and pretending we still had the energy of people half our age.

We love Cirque du Soleil, but somehow we’d never seen KÀ. Within minutes, our brains were scrambled. The theater looks like someone gave a billionaire a blank check and said, “Build a place where gravity can go screw itself.” Massive stages flew in and out of view, tilted nearly vertical, and became battlefields for performers climbing, flipping and dropping into what looked like a bottomless abyss. We kept looking at each other like, “How in the hell are they doing this?” And somehow, it got even crazier from there…

Then came something called the Wheel of Death, which feels like a pretty honest name for what you’re looking at. It’s basically a giant hamster wheel built by people who thought the original hamster wheel needed more ways to die. Performers ran inside the cages, climbed on the outside and kept pushing the whole contraption faster. I just kept wondering which one of these guys saw this thing for the first time and said, “Yeah, I’ll run on the outside of that.”

The next day we were off to see The Wizard of Oz at Sphere, although staying at The Venetian made it pretty hard to forget. Their lobby had so much Oz stuff everywhere that I half expected Miss Sheri to click her heels, chase me down the yellow brick road and yell, “Pick up the pace, Tin Man. We’re off to see the Wizard.”

Sphere somehow takes a movie from 1939 and makes it feel like it was designed for 2026. The film has been reworked with AI and visual effects to fill Sphere’s enormous 160,000-square-foot, 16K screen, with sound coming from more than 167,000 speakers surrounding the audience. More than 3.6 million people have already made the trip to Oz, and after seeing it ourselves, I completely understand why.  We really enjoyed the whole experience, but the tornado scene was absolutely insane. It wasn’t just the movie swallowing your entire field of vision. Wind machines started blasting, smoke rolled through the theater, fake leaves went flying past us, and simulated lightning and thunder crashed all around the room. For a few minutes, it stopped feeling like we were watching Dorothy’s nightmare and started feeling like we had somehow gotten trapped inside it.

We also spent plenty of time just wandering the Strip, where apparently Las Vegas still hasn’t run out of ways to say, “Yeah, but what if we made it bigger?” Across from The Venetian, Hard Rock is building a 660-foot, 42-story hotel shaped like a giant guitar that will completely change the skyline when it opens. It already looks enormous, and they’re nowhere near done. Somewhere, a rock star is looking at that thing and thinking, “I’m gonna need a much bigger stage.”

One of my favorite things about Vegas is that everywhere you turn there’s something new to see, wander through or accidentally spend money on. It’s like taking a tour through a giant Willy Wonka factory, except the Oompa Loompas are drunk tourists in matching bachelor-party shirts and the chocolate river has a two-drink minimum.

We walked somewhere around five miles a day, which is a lot when my back starts sending strongly worded emails after mile two. Miss Sheri, meanwhile, is always ready to keep going while I’m the one whining that I’m tired, sore, or about to pass out from the desert heat. She’s a great travel partner because somehow none of that seems to discourage her from bringing me along anyway.

We made a special effort to catch the Bellagio fountains at night, because no matter how many times you see them, they’re still pretty damn impressive. Somehow somebody looked at the middle of the Mojave Desert and thought, “You know what would really tie this place together? A 22-million-gallon lake with fountains shooting water 460 feet into the air.” Completely ridiculous. Totally unnecessary. And I’m very glad they did it.

One of the strangest things we did was ride through Elon Musk’s Vegas Loop, basically a network of Teslas driving through tunnels bored underneath the city. Las Vegas is the first real proving ground for the idea, and right now it’s still pretty limited, but the approved plan eventually calls for about 68 miles of tunnels and more than 100 stations around the Strip and downtown. I thought the whole thing was incredibly cool, although the tiny tunnel definitely triggered my claustrophobia. Our driver didn’t help when he casually explained that if the car ever got stuck, the tunnel is too narrow to open the doors—but not to worry, because he had a tool to smash the windshield so we could crawl out. Thanks. I was feeling much better before you explained the escape plan.

And since this was Sin City, we figured our last night needed at least a little actual sin. We saw Atomic Saloon Show at The Venetian, an adults-only Wild West circus staged inside a real saloon where the performers are basically right on top of you. It’s only about 200 seats, which makes the whole thing feel wonderfully unhinged. The show was raunchy, sexy, funny and dangerous enough that every few minutes I found myself thinking, “There’s no way that’s part of the plan.” We absolutely loved it.