Todd Swank

October 20, 2024

The Leaves are Brown and the Sky is Gray

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for October 20, 2024

I spent most of the week in Chicago for a conference called Utility Analytics Week. While a couple of my customers were there learning about grid reliability, outage prevention, and all the tech to make utilities run smoother, I was there with a different mission: understanding what makes these customers tick. I wanted to dig deeper into their focus areas, network like crazy, and build some new relationships. It was mostly meetings and presentations at the conference center, but I managed to escape to the Loop for dinner and take in some of Chicago’s iconic architecture. Fun fact: The Loop got its name from the elevated train tracks that circle downtown, and “Windy City” isn’t about the breeze—it's a nod to the city’s long-winded politicians.

There were about 15 Oracle folks at the conference, but I spent most of my time with my teammate Jitesh. We’ve been collaborating on a few key accounts, but this was our first time meeting face-to-face. Safe to say, we hit it off quickly. Jitesh is based in the area, so he took me out to a couple of his go-to spots for dinner—definitely a perk to having a local connection. Most of the day was packed with sessions and meetings, but the evenings out made the work trip feel a lot more like a real adventure.

We bumped into a genuine movie star one of the nights—John David Washington, the son of Denzel Washington, who was in town for the premiere of The Piano Lesson, coming to Netflix soon. I recognized him and his voice instantly because I’m a fan of his work, including Ballers, BlacKkKlansman, and The Creator. We ended up facing each other the whole time at dinner, and I even worked up the nerve to shout out that I’m a huge fan. He graciously thanked me, and now, I’m convinced we share a special bond—one that he may or may not be aware of.

After three nights away, it was good to be back in Minnesota, even if it meant trading conference rooms for Grandma Linda in the backseat. We headed over to Avery and Abby’s place for dinner and some college football—because nothing says “family bonding” like yelling at the TV together. And sure, I wasn’t on my own couch, but I’d take their place over another hotel room any day. Plus, watching football with them? Way more entertaining than those conference sessions.

On Sunday, Luke and I headed to U.S. Bank Stadium, ready for a showdown between our undefeated Vikings and the 4-1 Lions. This game had all the makings of a classic NFC North clash—two strong teams with a lot to prove. The Lions have been a serious contender these last couple of seasons, making us a little nervous, but the Vikings have been absolutely rolling this year. It’s always a bit of a thrill to watch a game with stakes this high, and we were hopeful that the home-field advantage would make all the difference.

The game started off with a lot of promise for the Vikings, jumping out to a 10-0 lead after a 34-yard touchdown run from Aaron Jones and a 57-yard field goal from Will Reichard. But then Sam Darnold threw an interception, and it was like flipping a switch. Suddenly, the momentum shifted, and Detroit’s offense caught fire. They put up 21 unanswered points before halftime, including a 45-yard touchdown run from Jahmyr Gibbs, who seemed to glide right through the Vikings' defense. By the end of the second quarter, it felt like we went from cruising to chaos, and the Vikings found themselves in unfamiliar territory—playing catch-up.

The Vikings stormed back in the second half, with a clutch touchdown by Justin Jefferson and a defensive score that actually put them back in the lead late in the fourth quarter. But Detroit's offense wasn’t having it. Jared Goff led a clinical march down the field, setting up a game-winning field goal that sealed the deal. It was a tough loss, but hey, you can't win 'em all. Maybe dropping one now will give them the edge to bounce back Thursday night in LA against the Rams. Here’s hoping for a quick turnaround—because nobody likes a losing streak!

@toddswank Sam Darnold throws TD pass to Justin Jefferson! #vikings #skol ♬ Let's Go - JAXSON GAMBLE

October 13, 2024

The Minnesota Vikings Flew Us To Jolly Old England

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for October 13, 2024

Last weekend, we flew to London for an unforgettable adventure. After a blur of a Heathrow Express ride, a quick Uber to the hotel, and dropping off our bags, we jumped back on the Tube. Our first mission: Buckingham Palace to catch the Changing of the Guard. But, of course, by the time we fought our way through a sea of tourists, we could barely see anything through the gates. It was chaos, it was exhausting—and it was the perfect way to dive headfirst into the madness that is London.

We managed to sneak a few peeks of the Changing of the Guard by weaving through the crowd like pros—until we paused for a photo and promptly got scolded by the police to “keep moving.” Buckingham Palace, with its 775 rooms and royal fanfare, was impressive, but the guard ceremony itself was a chaotic ballet of red coats and tourists' elbows. It’s been a tradition since 1660, but honestly, we mostly saw camera phones and heads in our way.

We were incredibly lucky to win this trip, courtesy of the Minnesota Vikings, to see them take on the New York Jets. The Vikings ran a contest to incentivize season ticket holders to pay their invoices early. I paid mine immediately, not expecting much—but by the time Max called to tell me I’d won, I’d completely forgotten about it. What an awesome surprise! Flight, hotel, and game tickets all covered—how could you not love that? We are very blessed!

After Buckingham Palace, we had tickets to tour Westminster Abbey. With a few hours to kill, we wandered through the city, hitting all the iconic spots—Big Ben, Parliament, and the statue-filled Parliament Square. We tried our best to blend in and not look like lost tourists, but let’s face it—I stick out like a sore thumb. And the irony? I’ve only got one thumb… which, technically, used to be a finger.

Westminster Abbey was nothing short of awe-inspiring. It’s been the site of every British coronation since 1066 and holds the remains of kings, queens, poets, and scientists alike, including Sir Isaac Newton and Charles Dickens. The gothic architecture is overwhelming, with towering arches and intricate stained-glass windows that make you feel small in the best way. Walking through, we marveled at the beauty—and got a bit creeped out knowing just how many famous people were buried beneath our feet. It’s both a celebration of history and a reminder that even legends eventually take up residence underground.

The craftsmanship throughout this ancient cathedral is beyond stunning—everywhere you look, there’s a new marvel to take in. It's also packed with enough famous skeletons to fill a Hollywood red carpet—kings, queens, and poets, all crammed in like it’s a VIP section for the afterlife. We strolled through Poet’s Corner, where Chaucer, Dickens, and Shakespeare either rest or have plaques pretending they do. Fun fact: they even stuck Charles Darwin in here—because nothing says poetic justice like a scientist buried in a church. And while the architecture made our jaws drop, it’s a little unsettling knowing half the floor you're walking on is just decorative burial space.

Navigating the Tube felt like jumping into an urban labyrinth. London's Underground is the oldest subway system in the world, kicking off operations in 1863, and it moves millions of people every day. In the daylight hours, it’s a well-oiled machine—but those early mornings? A different story. Wandering through the empty tunnels, with no one around except the occasional flickering light, felt like we’d been cast in a horror movie. It was creepy enough that we kept waiting for someone to pop out from a dark corner just to say, "Welcome to the dungeon!"

We kicked off Saturday with an all-day bus tour through the gorgeous English countryside. Rolling hills, charming villages, and ancient landmarks dotted the landscape like scenes from a postcard. Every bend in the road felt like stepping back in time, as if the land itself had stories to tell that go back millennia. Compared to this, America feels like it’s still figuring things out. There’s something surreal about driving past castles, Roman baths, and mystical stone circles, all in one day—like history is just casually scattered along the highways here. It was both humbling and exhilarating, and we couldn’t wait to dive deeper into each spot.

Traveling always gets better when you meet great people. We hit it off with Phil and Mel, die-hard Vikings fans like us, also here for the game. Jerry and Susie, on the other hand, were from Australia, hopping around Europe. Sharing laughs and stories with these new friends made the whole adventure way more rewarding—because let’s face it, exploring is way more fun when you're doing it with good company.

Windsor Castle was downright majestic. Walking through its grand halls and private quarters, it’s easy to imagine the royals casually sipping tea here—when they’re not busy being fabulously royal. Fun fact: It’s the largest, oldest inhabited castle in the world, but somehow they still manage to open it up to the public like it’s just another tourist trap. Honestly, letting us wander around their actual living space? Bold move. I kept expecting a butler to pop out and say, “Please don’t touch the Queen’s favorite chair.”

We stumbled upon the guards suiting up for the day—classic case of “wrong place, wrong time.” Got told more than once to step aside as they were clearly not thrilled to have tourists in their workspace. These guards may look like ceremonial figures, but they’re actually active-duty soldiers from the Household Division, responsible for protecting the royal residences. Oh, and those iconic bearskin hats? They weigh about 1.5 pounds—imagine trying to stay stoic with that perched on your head all day.

Stonehenge was a bit surreal to visit, but I’ll be honest—it’s out in the middle of nowhere and really just looks like someone abandoned a stack of rocks. But hey, it’s ancient rocks. Built around 3000 BC, it’s older than the Pyramids and was likely used as a burial site and for astronomical rituals. Scientists are still debating how these massive stones were transported—some came from 150 miles away. I was hoping for something supernatural, like a stone shifting or a mystical portal opening. But no such luck—just a windy field and a lot of speculation.

By the time we reached Bath, we were running on fumes and didn’t have much energy left for exploring. But we did stumble upon the Bath Abbey, a stunning Gothic structure that anchors the heart of town. Bath, known for its Roman-built baths and hot springs, is the only place in the UK where you can bathe in naturally warm, mineral-rich waters. It’s also a UNESCO World Heritage Site, famous for its elegant Georgian architecture. After a quick coffee break at a local café, we climbed back on the bus for the long ride back to the hotel—heads full of history and feet begging for mercy.

Sunday was game day, and we navigated the Tube and train to Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, a futuristic venue with a retractable NFL field beneath its soccer pitch. The NFL has been bringing games to London since 2007, building a loyal overseas fanbase and making these matchups an annual tradition. We couldn’t resist getting a photo with the Vikings cheerleaders, and we didn’t mind the TV camera catching us either. About 30 minutes later, a good friend texted me from Minnesota—at 5 a.m. their time—saying he just saw us on the NFL Network. Sadly, I haven’t been able to track down the footage yet, which is disappointing, because I’d really love to see how sexy we looked.

Tottenham Hotspur Stadium is absolutely stunning. Not only is it brand-new and designed with world-class amenities, but they also included food with our tickets—though I’ll admit, London cuisine didn’t exactly win us over. One thing they nailed, though: free beer at halftime. Now that’s a tradition I wouldn’t mind bringing stateside. What really blew me away was the sea of Vikings fans—it felt like a purple takeover. I swear, the crowd was 10-to-1 Vikings fans vs. Jets fans, making the whole thing feel more like a home game in Minneapolis than a London showdown.

Coming into the game with an undefeated 4-0 record, the Vikings had us all riding high. It’s impossible not to love a team led by stars like Justin Jefferson, who makes everything on the field look easy. And the atmosphere? Unreal. The Gjallarhorn’s booming call shook the air, and the SKOL chant rattled the stadium like it was built on a fault line. Honestly, if the players weren’t feeding off that energy, they deserve an Oscar for faking it.

Sam Darnold had every reason to be pumped going into this game. Fresh off being named NFC Offensive Player of the Week and Player of the Month, the guy has been on a tear. But you’ve got to imagine this one hit a little differently—facing the team that once pinned their hopes on him only to move on faster than a bad stock tip. After an up-and-down journey through New York, a rocky stint in Carolina, and now a resurgence, it seems like Darnold has finally found his groove. If revenge games fuel players, this one probably had him waking up early with a little extra bounce in his step.

The stadium was packed with Vikings legends, including Jared Allen, who was honored at halftime with induction into the London Ring of Honour. Seeing Allen recognized for his incredible career, including his knack for racking up sacks, was the perfect cherry on top of an already thrilling day. It’s always a blast to witness these moments firsthand, especially when they celebrate players who helped define the heart and soul of the team.

The Vikings stormed out to a 17-0 lead, only to do what they do best—make us sweat. The Jets clawed back, and for a minute there, it felt like Rodgers was about to pull off one of his vintage comebacks. But nope—Stephon Gilmore picked him off in the final minutes, capping Rodgers' day with three interceptions. Meanwhile, Andrew Van Ginkel’s 63-yard pick-six was the ultimate "thanks for the early Christmas gift" moment. In the end, the Vikings held on 23-17, staying undefeated at 5-0 and proving, once again, nothing feels sweeter than beating Rodgers.

On our final day, we visited Tower Bridge, the real star of London’s skyline. Built in 1894, it’s a bascule bridge—which means it lifts in the middle to let ships pass beneath. The twin Gothic-style towers give it that fairytale look, but it’s all business when those roadways swing open, still operating the same way they did over a century ago. Walking across it, surrounded by all that history, was the perfect way to end the trip—though I was half-hoping we’d see it lift while we were on it, just to add some adventure to our last day.

The British Museum is an overwhelming treasure trove of human history, art, and culture—and believe me, by day four of our whirlwind trip, I was feeling every step. Founded in 1753, the museum holds more than 8 million artifacts, from the Rosetta Stone to ancient Egyptian mummies. It’s basically the world’s attic, filled with things Britain “borrowed indefinitely.” Miss Sheri, however, was fully in her element, snapping photos of every exhibit like a paparazzo on assignment. Meanwhile, I just tried to stay upright, wondering how many more rooms we had to trudge through before I could find a chair... or a snack.

The British Museum is packed with some of the most jaw-dropping artifacts, spanning continents and millennia. It houses the Rosetta Stone—basically the first-ever translation app—and massive chunks of the Parthenon, aka the “Elgin Marbles,” which Greece still isn’t thrilled about losing. With over 8 million objects in its collection, the place feels like the world’s oldest treasure hunt. Then there was this guy—an ancient bust just sitting there, begging for a challenge. So naturally, I leaned in for a stare-off. Verdict? He stayed stone-cold, and I blinked first.

Here's some TikToks I made during the trip:

@toddswank Westminster Abbey is Awe Inspiring!#westminsterabbey #london ♬ Magic Glockenspiel - DOMANSED

@toddswank Windsor Castle is so beautiful!! #windsor #castle #england ♬ original sound - Todd Swank

@toddswank Stonehenge #stonehenge #england ♬ original sound - Todd Swank

@toddswank Lots of Vikings Fans in London!! #vikings #skol #london ♬ HOT TO GO! - Chappell Roan

@toddswank Pre game warmups in London. #vikings #SKOL #london ♬ Game Day - ROKKA

@toddswank The Vikings game in London was a bunch of fun! 5-0!! #vikings #london #SKOL ♬ Powerful songs like action movie music - Tansa

@toddswank One of our favorite discoveries in London. The Outernet! #outernet #london #experience ♬ Halloween ・ cute horror song - PeriTune

September 29, 2024

Hanging Out with the Minnesota Timberwolves

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for September 29, 2024

On Wednesday night, Miss Sheri and I met up with our old buddy Tim Ashland at Copper Pint. Nothing wild happened—just some solid conversation and a world problem-solving session that probably should’ve been recorded for future generations.

On Saturday, it was a beautiful day, so we headed to Target Center in downtown Minneapolis. It’s not our usual spot in the NBA offseason, but we were invited there to attend the rookie training camp.

Last season, the Timberwolves made an epic run to the Western Conference finals, which finally pushed me into committing to a half-season membership. Why? Because trying to snag playoff tickets without selling my soul felt impossible. By locking in the membership, I scored much better pricing for playoff seats. Now, as official Timberwolves members, we’re at the rookie training camp, learning all the perks we get for dropping a small fortune on this team. Here’s hoping Anthony Edwards leads us all the way to a championship this year—because I’d really love to justify the investment!

The night before heading to the Wolves event, we were shocked to learn that Karl-Anthony Towns had been traded to the Knicks. We’ve always loved KAT, even met his dad at his first home game—who was shouting instructions like it was a high school match. While I get that it's Anthony Edwards’ team now and Karl’s contract was hefty, it’s still a sad day for Wolves fans. It makes sense, but it’s hard to say goodbye to a player who gave us so many memories.

We caught a couple of quick glimpses into the practice facilities, but no sign of anyone actually practicing. The Minnesota Lynx, knee-deep in their playoff run, were probably in there, just doing their best ninja impressions. Wishing them luck, though—if they're as good at winning as they are at hiding, we’re in for a championship!

Miss Sheri couldn’t resist grabbing a photo with two of her favorite players, Rudy Gobert and Naz Reid. It’s not every day you get this close to NBA giants—well, cardboard versions of them, at least. She nailed the pose, though, so I guess the Wolves should be glad she’s not coming for their starting spots anytime soon.

As we were waiting for our event to start, Miss Sheri suddenly spotted a familiar giant waiting for the elevator. I debated approaching him, so naturally, I snapped a picture while deciding. Before I could make my move, someone else asked for a photo, and I took the opportunity to jump right in too. Not every day you run into a 7-foot-1 superstar just casually waiting for the elevator!

He definitely wasn’t planning on posing for pictures with the group of 25 fans waiting in the lobby, but credit to him, he played along. I always feel a little awkward asking celebrities for a photo, but let’s face it—how often do you get to say you’ve met an NBA star? Totally worth it! Although I’m pretty sure he was relieved when the elevator finally arrived.

Walking through their business offices, filled with NBA & WNBA memorabilia, took me back to my Oracle days downtown. Riding the bus was always an adventure, but what I really miss are the cool friends I saw every day. That said, I don’t miss the commute, and wearing shorts to work every day now doesn’t exactly suck!

We saw some incredible reminders of Timberwolves history while touring their offices. Kevin Garnett has always been my favorite player, a true legend. But Anthony Edwards? He’s got me thinking we might just be witnessing the next Michael Jordan. The excitement for this season is real, and I can’t wait to see if Edwards takes that next leap to true superstardom. An NBA Championship would certainly help in that regard.

On Friday night we did some Karaoke with the Walters. Here's Sheri providing as much cowbell as she could muster!

@toddswank Fear the Reaper. #morecowbell #karaoke #blueoystercult ♬ original sound - Todd Swank

September 22, 2024

Purple Reign: Watching the Vikings Beat the 49ers & Texans

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for September 22, 2024

We renewed our Vikings season tickets—because clearly, we love to suffer in purple. Last week was our first home game, and Avery won the family ticket draft for this one. The Vikings had just taken down the Giants, so we were feeling good. But with last year’s NFC Super Bowl runner-up, the 49ers, coming to town, tensions were sky-high. Would we see the Vikings rise to glory, or was this game just another step on the path to heartbreak? Either way, we were ready to ride the emotional rollercoaster.

U.S. Bank Stadium is known as one of the loudest and most intense stadiums in the league—and it delivers. Between the SKOL chant shaking the seats and the deafening roar of the crowd, you’re in for a full sensory experience. By the time you leave, you’ll be hoarse and wondering if your ears will ever stop ringing—but that's just how we do football in Minnesota.

Mike Conley blew the Gjallarhorn before the Vikings game, and I have to admit, it got me pretty pumped for the Timberwolves season. He’s been a steady hand for the Wolves, and with his new contract, he’s here to keep things rolling. Sad fact, though: while he was rallying the Vikings, some lowlifes broke into his house in Medina. I mean, who does that to such a great guy? People suck. Let’s hope his luck is better on the court this season than it was at home that day.

Brock Purdy had a rough day against the Vikings, telling our defensive coordinator, Brian Flores, after the game, “Your scheme, man, it’s crazy.” The result? Purdy’s career-high six sacks and the 49ers going just 2 for 10 on third downs. Flores had him second-guessing everything, and Purdy clearly couldn’t crack the code. Crazy scheme? More like genius.

I was zooming in on Sam Darnold’s face and almost missed the 97-yard stunner he launched to Justin Jefferson for a touchdown. With our highly touted rookie, JJ McCarthy, out for the season, there were definite nerves about how things would shake out. But watching Darnold step up, especially against his old team, the 49ers, has given us a glimmer of hope. He’s slinging the ball like he’s got something to prove, and so far, it’s been a pleasant surprise.

When Justin Jefferson went down, it felt like the entire stadium held its breath—because if he’s out, we’re doomed, right? We were already mentally preparing ourselves for another chapter in the Vikings' long history of bad luck. Thankfully, he’s back this week, so crisis averted. But for a few minutes there, it was like watching your house catch fire, only to find out it was just the neighbors burning leaves. You’re relieved, but that panic? Still very real.

The Vikings shocked everyone by taking down the 49ers with a 24-21 win, bringing their record to an unexpected 2-0. Who saw that coming? Not the analysts, that’s for sure. But man, does it feel good when they win. Every time they pull one of these off, it's like that moment you find extra fries at the bottom of the bag—rare, beautiful, and deeply satisfying. The best part? It's early in the season, so there’s still time for our hopes to soar before the crushing disappointment inevitably kicks in.

We picked up Luke on Saturday and headed up north for an afternoon of debauchery.

We headed up to Clearwater, Minnesota to spend the day with our friends, the Korkowskis, who just got themselves a brand-new pole barn. Yes, you heard that right—a pole barn. And let me tell you, the tour was a thrill ride of insulation, storage space, and future potential. It’s amazing how excited you can get over seeing a really organized garage!

We had the chance to attend Jessie’s Wish, a BBQ cook-off that raises money for victims of domestic abuse. It's a powerful cause supporting Anna Marie’s Women’s Shelter, and while the ribs were fantastic, let’s just say I may have overindulged. My stomach and I are still negotiating the terms of our recovery. A great event, though, and worth every bite.

We were back at U.S. Bank Stadium today for the Vikings-Texans showdown, and all the analysts were sure Minnesota's undefeated streak was done for. The Texans came in 2-0 and supposedly "unstoppable." But I guess no one told the Vikings, because this team does whatever it takes to defy expectations—especially when it involves proving people wrong. There's nothing sweeter than leaving the doubters stunned.

It was Avery's turn to join me again for back-to-back games. I know he loves me, but after two Sundays in a row of hearing my "expert" commentary, he’s probably ready for a break. Two games, two wins, and I might’ve hit my quota on father-son bonding... for now!

CJ Stroud is definitely a rising star, but today was not his day. The Vikings defense had him scrambling for his life, racking up six sacks and forcing Stroud into tough situations all game long. Minnesota's pass rush was relentless, holding Stroud to just 22 yards in the first quarter and a frustrating 7 points for the Texans overall. Stroud did show flashes of his talent, but our defense had him second-guessing every move, making sure he never got too comfortable.

The Vikings absolutely dominated the Texans today, winning 34-7. Sam Darnold looked like a seasoned vet, tossing four touchdown passes, including a slick trick play involving Justin Jefferson. C.J. Stroud was under constant pressure, scrambling for his life as the Vikings defense dialed up confusion and chaos all game long. Despite some brief hope for the Texans after a touchdown in the third quarter, the Vikings never lost control. Could this finally be our year? At 3-0, it’s feeling pretty good.