A Wedding Weekend in Des Moines, Iowa

 

A Wedding Weekend in Des Moines, Iowa

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for September 27, 2026

I’m starting to realize most of my social life lately revolves around sitting at a table and eating with different people. This week started with taking one of our favorite grandmas, Grandma Linda, out to Texas Roadhouse. She doesn’t eat much anymore, but that doesn’t stop us from bringing her along. Somebody has to watch me eat enough food for both of us.

Tuesday night the eating tour continued as we checked out Chula’s, the newest Mexican restaurant in Prior Lake, with our good friends Tom and Kellie Wolf. Apparently one restaurant wasn’t enough, because afterward we walked downtown to get ice cream. I’m choosing to focus on the word “walked.” At least I’m getting a few steps in on my way to becoming a glutton.

Saturday we headed south to Des Moines, where we spent the night practically in the lap of Iowa’s State Capitol. It’s a pretty spectacular building, completed in 1886 and topped with a 23-karat gold-covered dome that rises nearly 275 feet above the city. It looked especially impressive glowing outside our hotel window at night. 

Of course I can’t come to Des Moines without hanging out with my old buddy Krazy Kory. Keeping with this week’s apparent theme, I figured we should document the occasion by taking a picture of us eating. We met at Jethro’s BBQ in Altoona, where I had some excellent boneless chicken wings covered in spicy sauce. At this point, I’m basically just traveling around the Midwest finding different people to eat with.

The real reason for our trip was the wedding of the son of one of my oldest friends, “Jammin’” Jason Davis. We go back to our high school days on the Clear Lake wrestling team, were roommates at a couple different colleges, and best men in each other’s weddings. After surviving all that together, ending the friendship now would require way too much paperwork.

I’ve known Seth since he was born, but this was our first time meeting his new wife, Annie. She seems like a lovely young lady, and it was great seeing the two of them together. Their ceremony was beautiful, personal, and full of smiles, and we were really happy to be there to help them celebrate such a big day.

The River Center in downtown Des Moines made for a pretty spectacular setting. The restored historic building sits on the site of Des Moines’ first brewery and is filled with exposed brick, steel beams, reclaimed wood, and some absolutely enormous sliding wooden doors. I have no idea what originally required doors that size, but apparently early Des Moines had livestock roughly the size of dinosaurs. It was a really unique place to watch Seth and Annie get married.

There’s something pretty inspiring about watching young people get married. Seth and Annie were surrounded by friends and family, with nothing but dreams and excitement about what comes next. It made me a little nostalgic for when Miss Sheri and I were that age, starting our own adventure with absolutely no idea what we were doing. Come to think of it, that last part really hasn’t changed much.

We had a great time at the reception catching up with family members we’ve known for decades but haven’t seen in years. There’s something funny about trying to cram ten years of life into a 20-minute conversation. “Kids good? Still married? Everybody healthy? Great, we’re caught up.” It was genuinely nice seeing people we’ve shared so much history with and realizing how quickly all those years disappear once you’re together again.

It was especially nice catching up with Jason’s wife Amy after so many years and sharing such a special weekend with their family. One minute Jason and I were wrestling in high school, and somehow now his son is married. We had a wonderful time celebrating Seth and Annie, reconnecting with old friends, and eating my way through Iowa. Life moves fast. Weekends like this remind me to enjoy the ride.

@toddswank The entrance of the wedding party for Seth and Annie Davis! #wedding #entrances ♬ original sound - 💚☠️ꀘ꒐𖦴𖦴ꌦ💀🖤

@toddswank I asked our Vegas Loop driver how we’d get out if the car got stuck. His answer involved a window breaker 😳 Then he explained when the door could open. Apparently “how do we escape?” isn’t in the welcome brochure. #VegasLoop #LasVegas #HyperLoop #TheBoringCompany #WindowBreaker ♬ original sound - Todd Swank

@toddswank I almost said no to night snorkeling with manta rays in Hawaii because all I could think about was sharks. My sister talked me into it—and I nearly missed the highlight of our trip. At one point, six manta rays were doing slow barrel rolls beneath us. One brushed my belly, and it tickled. 😳 Some of the best memories start with “absolutely not.” #MantaRays #NightSnorkeling #HawaiiTravel #OceanAdventure #FaceYourFears ♬ original sound - Todd Swank

Minnesota Summer Has Been Placed on Season-Ending IR

 

 Minnesota Summer Has Been Placed on Season-Ending IR

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for September 20, 2026

 Somehow we’ve already burned through two-thirds of September, which means Minnesota summer is basically standing at the door with its coat on. I’m not ready. I don’t want winter. I don’t even want to discuss winter. We’ve been lucky to fill these past few weeks with trips, games, boat rides, dinners, and time with some pretty amazing friends. Summer may be disappearing way too fast, but at least we can now begin the long Minnesota tradition of pretending 45 degrees is still nice out.

We were supposed to take Orlando and Nancy out on the boat, but apparently Prior Lake had reached its legal limit for middle-aged people pretending they still know how to party, so we went to Charlie’s instead. Over dinner and a few drinks, we did what good friends do: laughed at old stories, created some new ones, and once again solved most of the world’s problems. None of our solutions will ever be implemented, of course, but maybe that’s not the point. Maybe the real win is having people you still want to sit around a table with while the years keep moving faster.

We did manage to squeeze in another night on Prior Lake when our good friends Troy and Rhonda Brown invited us out on their brand-new boat. It’s a beautiful ride, which was great right up until I started mentally comparing it to mine and discovering several new things I apparently “need.” Mostly, though, it was another perfect Minnesota evening on the water with good friends, good conversation, and the kind of night that reminds you why we put up with this place the rest of the year.

Troy and Rhonda’s new boat has enough room that we could invite the kids along too, which is a nice change. My boat technically holds eight, but once you get past six, it stops feeling like a boat and starts feeling like somebody accidentally launched a crowded elevator. We love having the kids with us. We just also enjoy being able to turn around.

I had the chance to sneak down to Clear Lake for one night and met Krazy Kory for dinner at Prime N Wine in Mason City, a place we’ve been going to since it was the Back 40 back in the ’80s. Back then we had more hair, worse clothes, and somehow thought acid-washed jeans were a good idea. We were also considerably rowdier, which I’m pretty sure is still in there somewhere. Give us the right song, the wrong idea, and about 20 minutes, and I think we could find it again.

I finally made it back to Jason Alexander’s annual Cabin Classic after missing the last few years. The crowd was a little smaller this time, but it was great catching up with the guys who made it. Since I officially retired from golf earlier this summer, I graciously spared everyone the experience of watching me turn a perfectly good golf course into a crime scene. Instead, I saved my competitive energy for poker that night, where at least when I make a terrible decision, I don’t have to go looking for it in the woods.

That Sunday was the Vikings’ home opener, and we were fired up to watch them kick off the season against our most hated opponent, the Green Bay Packers. Even better, we were finally going to see our brand-new quarterback, Kyler Murray, make his Vikings debut. After an offseason of speculation, optimism, and the usual Minnesota ritual of convincing ourselves this time will be different, the moment had arrived. We just didn’t realize how brief that moment was going to be.

Miss Sheri splits our Vikings tickets with Luke and Avery, and every year they hold a draft to decide who gets which games. Packers is usually the first pick, so this was Sheri’s first chance to see them in a couple of seasons. That’s probably for the best. She loves the Vikings, but she loves screaming obscenities at the Packers almost as much. There are young children sitting around us, and I think exposure to that version of Miss Sheri should probably be limited to once every two or three years.

The game was every bit as incredible as we hoped, although watching Kyler Murray leave with an injury was definitely not part of the plan. Carson Wentz stepped in and somehow turned the afternoon into an amazing Vikings win, then followed it up today by beating the Bears in Chicago. Two games in, Minnesota is now the only undefeated team in the NFC North, so I think we can safely stop pretending to be reasonable. The Super Bowl is inevitable, the parade route is basically set, and I see absolutely no historical reason for Vikings fans to temper our expectations.

Miss Sheri’s college friend Robin was in town from Hawaii, so she and their friend Cathy spent the day catching up and eventually wandered through the aquarium at Mall of America. I haven’t been there in decades, but judging from the pictures, not much has changed. The sharks are still sharks, the turtles are still turtles, and the jellyfish are still floating around accomplishing nothing. Apparently the only thing that has evolved significantly over the years is the price of admission.

Us fellows joined them for dinner, and the night quickly turned into one of those tables where everybody is laughing loud enough that the people around us probably assumed alcohol was doing more of the work than it actually was. We don’t get to see Robin nearly enough living all the way in Hawaii, so when she’s back in town we try to squeeze every possible laugh out of the time we get. Distance makes friendships harder, but apparently not quieter.

To get even further into the autumn spirit, we headed to Timberwolves HQ for Rookie Training Camp. Since the Wolves are obviously going to win the NBA championship this season, we figured it was financially responsible to lock in a half-season membership before the rest of Minnesota catches on. The event was basically orientation for new members, where they walked us through all the benefits, perks, and important details we’ll need to know when we’re attending playoff games well into June.

Walking through the hallowed halls of Timberwolves HQ, we came across this photo from the night Kevin Garnett was drafted in 1995. It felt especially fitting knowing the Wolves will finally retire KG’s jersey this season. For a generation of fans, he wasn’t just the best player on the team. He was the identity of the franchise, the guy who made Minnesota basketball matter. Anthony Edwards may someday take that crown, but KG will always be the guy who built the throne.

The event ended with a walk through the Lynx practice facility, which was pretty cool. On the other side of a curtain was the Timberwolves practice court, and naturally that area was treated like we were trying to enter a nuclear launch facility. We tried sneaking a peek, but they had staff guarding both sides to make sure nobody accidentally witnessed an NBA player dribble a basketball. Apparently some secrets are just too dangerous for the general public. So we left without compromising national security and officially began a new season as Timberwolves members. If they win the championship, I assume we deserve at least partial credit.

What Happens in Vegas Goes on ToddSwank.com

 

What Happens in Vegas Goes on ToddSwank.com

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for September 14, 2026

Miss Sheri and I spent Labor Day weekend in Las Vegas, where The Venetian comped our room because apparently I’ve proven I’m bad enough at gambling to be considered a valued customer. I continued proving them right, but fortunately Vegas has plenty to do besides handing casinos your money. So we spent three days eating too much, seeing ridiculous shows, wandering Sin City and pretending we still had the energy of people half our age.

We love Cirque du Soleil, but somehow we’d never seen KÀ. Within minutes, our brains were scrambled. The theater looks like someone gave a billionaire a blank check and said, “Build a place where gravity can go screw itself.” Massive stages flew in and out of view, tilted nearly vertical, and became battlefields for performers climbing, flipping and dropping into what looked like a bottomless abyss. We kept looking at each other like, “How in the hell are they doing this?” And somehow, it got even crazier from there…

Then came something called the Wheel of Death, which feels like a pretty honest name for what you’re looking at. It’s basically a giant hamster wheel built by people who thought the original hamster wheel needed more ways to die. Performers ran inside the cages, climbed on the outside and kept pushing the whole contraption faster. I just kept wondering which one of these guys saw this thing for the first time and said, “Yeah, I’ll run on the outside of that.”

The next day we were off to see The Wizard of Oz at Sphere, although staying at The Venetian made it pretty hard to forget. Their lobby had so much Oz stuff everywhere that I half expected Miss Sheri to click her heels, chase me down the yellow brick road and yell, “Pick up the pace, Tin Man. We’re off to see the Wizard.”

Sphere somehow takes a movie from 1939 and makes it feel like it was designed for 2026. The film has been reworked with AI and visual effects to fill Sphere’s enormous 160,000-square-foot, 16K screen, with sound coming from more than 167,000 speakers surrounding the audience. More than 3.6 million people have already made the trip to Oz, and after seeing it ourselves, I completely understand why.  We really enjoyed the whole experience, but the tornado scene was absolutely insane. It wasn’t just the movie swallowing your entire field of vision. Wind machines started blasting, smoke rolled through the theater, fake leaves went flying past us, and simulated lightning and thunder crashed all around the room. For a few minutes, it stopped feeling like we were watching Dorothy’s nightmare and started feeling like we had somehow gotten trapped inside it.

We also spent plenty of time just wandering the Strip, where apparently Las Vegas still hasn’t run out of ways to say, “Yeah, but what if we made it bigger?” Across from The Venetian, Hard Rock is building a 660-foot, 42-story hotel shaped like a giant guitar that will completely change the skyline when it opens. It already looks enormous, and they’re nowhere near done. Somewhere, a rock star is looking at that thing and thinking, “I’m gonna need a much bigger stage.”

One of my favorite things about Vegas is that everywhere you turn there’s something new to see, wander through or accidentally spend money on. It’s like taking a tour through a giant Willy Wonka factory, except the Oompa Loompas are drunk tourists in matching bachelor-party shirts and the chocolate river has a two-drink minimum.

We walked somewhere around five miles a day, which is a lot when my back starts sending strongly worded emails after mile two. Miss Sheri, meanwhile, is always ready to keep going while I’m the one whining that I’m tired, sore, or about to pass out from the desert heat. She’s a great travel partner because somehow none of that seems to discourage her from bringing me along anyway.

We made a special effort to catch the Bellagio fountains at night, because no matter how many times you see them, they’re still pretty damn impressive. Somehow somebody looked at the middle of the Mojave Desert and thought, “You know what would really tie this place together? A 22-million-gallon lake with fountains shooting water 460 feet into the air.” Completely ridiculous. Totally unnecessary. And I’m very glad they did it.

One of the strangest things we did was ride through Elon Musk’s Vegas Loop, basically a network of Teslas driving through tunnels bored underneath the city. Las Vegas is the first real proving ground for the idea, and right now it’s still pretty limited, but the approved plan eventually calls for about 68 miles of tunnels and more than 100 stations around the Strip and downtown. I thought the whole thing was incredibly cool, although the tiny tunnel definitely triggered my claustrophobia. Our driver didn’t help when he casually explained that if the car ever got stuck, the tunnel is too narrow to open the doors—but not to worry, because he had a tool to smash the windshield so we could crawl out. Thanks. I was feeling much better before you explained the escape plan.

And since this was Sin City, we figured our last night needed at least a little actual sin. We saw Atomic Saloon Show at The Venetian, an adults-only Wild West circus staged inside a real saloon where the performers are basically right on top of you. It’s only about 200 seats, which makes the whole thing feel wonderfully unhinged. The show was raunchy, sexy, funny and dangerous enough that every few minutes I found myself thinking, “There’s no way that’s part of the plan.” We absolutely loved it.

Dodging Humanity at the 2026 Minnesota State Fair

 

Dodging Humanity at the 2026 Minnesota State Fair

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for August 30, 2026

Friday night was fantasy football draft night at Steve “Cuds” Cuddihy’s house, and nobody commits to commissioner duties quite like Cuds. Every year he adds something new, and this time he designed new custom team logos and personalized our seats. Mine even featured a reminder of my glorious 2024 championship. Last year did not go nearly as well, but I had a feeling 2026 was going to restore the Crippled Monkeys to their rightful place on top.

Our auction-style draft takes more than three hours, which gives a room full of highly competitive adults plenty of time to overthink every bid and mess with each other’s heads. Half the strategy is knowing player values; the other half is convincing everyone else they’re making terrible decisions. Political correctness tends to fade as the night goes on, and the steadily flowing beverages don’t exactly improve anyone’s judgment.

I’ve been playing in this league for 20 years now, along with several of these guys who were there from the beginning. I’m glad Luke joined us a few years ago, even if he seems to get extra joy from outbidding his dad. This year I skipped most of the big-name spending and built a deeper roster than I usually do. Whether that was brilliant strategy or three hours of bad decisions remains to be seen. Either way, let’s go! Are you ready for some football?

Saturday we joined 198,841 of our closest friends at the Minnesota State Fair, where the basic plan is to eat things we’d never consider putting in our bodies anywhere else, get bumped into by strangers every 30 seconds, and somehow keep discovering sights that make you stop and say, “What the hell is that?” We love the whole ridiculous spectacle. The DNR fish pond is always one of my favorite stops. Apparently, I’m much more comfortable in a crowd when most of it is underwater.

Usually we snooker the boys into joining us or rope some friends into the adventure, but this year it was just my best girl and me. Luckily, Miss Sheri and I have very similar State Fair priorities: critters doing tricks, fried food on sticks, people-watching, wandering into buildings we’ve ignored for 20 years, and occasionally paying $14 for something we’d never buy anywhere else. Turns out we make a pretty good two-person fair team.

We got there early and made the Stunt Dog competition one of our first stops. Between dock diving and funky tricks, these dogs were ridiculous athletes. A few of them could launch themselves more than 23 feet just because somebody threw a stuffed toy. I’ve spent 56 years being offered money, praise, food and basic human approval, and I’m not sure any of it has ever motivated me to move that aggressively.

Another must-stop for us is the butter carving chamber in the Dairy Building, where Princess Kay candidates take turns having their heads sculpted while the poor artist spends hours trapped in a refrigerator. Miss Sheri and I debated what happens to all the leftover butter. I guessed it goes to the corn-on-the-cob booth, but they probably scrape all the facial shavings into a giant bucket labeled “Premium Fair Butter” and keep it around for emergency lubrication when somebody gets jammed halfway down the Giant Slide.

This year I read that Ye Old Mill is the oldest ride at the Minnesota State Fair, which immediately raised an uncomfortable question: how have we been coming here for more than 30 years and never even noticed it? Apparently we’ve spent decades walking right past a piece of Minnesota history because somebody nearby was selling something deep-fried. That feels about right.

Turns out we hadn’t been missing much. Ye Old Mill is basically It’s a Small World without the visuals. Most of the ride is so dark you can’t see your hand in front of your face, interrupted only by the occasional character that looks hand-drawn by a kindergarten class and mounted with Popsicle sticks. The darkness was actually pretty creepy, especially when the boat seemed ready to get stuck a couple times. For $5 each, I’m glad we finally did it. I’m also pretty sure we’re good for the next 30 years.

This year the Science Museum of Minnesota brought Ultimate Dinosaurs to the Fair, featuring 15 full skeleton casts, real fossils and some bizarre prehistoric creatures from the Southern Hemisphere. It was cool, although I’ve seen plenty of dinosaur exhibits by now. What makes them fun again is taking pictures with my phone and using AI to bring them to life, usually resulting in a brief Jurassic Park incident where nearby children become part of the food chain. Technology really has improved museums.

Our favorite booth of the day was visiting our euchre buddy Eric Pratt, who’s running for US Congress. I was excited to see him and immediately asked for a picture. Eric agreed, but only if we put “the pretty one in the middle.” For one glorious second, I thought he meant me. Then Miss Sheri stepped into position and reality came crashing back. Politics can be brutal.

Big week for the Minnesota Timberwolves!

@toddswank  🚨🐺 JONATHAN KUMINGA IS A MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLF!! Two years. $13 million. And Shams says he’s STARTING. AWOOOOOO! 🐺🔥 #Timberwolves #JonathanKuminga #NBA ♬ original sound - kivxr