Spectating Spectacular Sports

 

Spectating Spectacular Sports

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for November 11, 2024

So, after months of using ChatGPT, I decided to ask it for a vision of my "alter ego." Naturally, it gave me a guy with two fully normal arms, because why not start by pretending my left arm is just a fun little memory glitch? After I set it straight with a reminder about the short arm, four fingers, and no thumb deal, it got... creative. Apparently, in AI’s mind, my dream self has robotic limbs like Inspector Gadget on a bender and interchangeable Mr. Potato Head options. I mean, ChatGPT, are you trying to tell me something? Because I’m not saying no—just mildly insulted and very, very curious.

We’ve got season tickets for the Vikings and half a season for the Timberwolves, all thanks to some clever extortion over playoff ticket prices—basically, they’ve got us by the wallet. So now, our lives revolve around Minnesota pro sports, shuffling from one game to the next. Last week was a marathon: three games in six nights, kicking off with Sunday Night Football at U.S. Bank Stadium. And what did we get for our loyalty? That classic Minnesota experience—where the teams may not always win, but they’ll sure as hell charge you like they do.

Miss Sheri joined me for her first regular-season Vikings game at U.S. Bank Stadium—though she’s no rookie this season, having survived a preseason game and our London showdown against the Jets. There’s something magical about bringing the wife to a game. She cheers, she screams, and when things go south, she cusses like she’s auditioning for a Scorsese film. You know it’s a rough game when I’m the one telling her to tone it down.

The Vikings came in on a two-game skid, and Sam Darnold looked shaky early on, treating the ball like it was dipped in butter. But he rallied, throwing three second-half touchdowns, while the defense turned Joe Flacco’s comeback attempt into a rough night. Despite three turnovers, we scraped out a 21-13 win over the Colts, proving once again that Vikings football is a mix of grit, luck, and our blood pressure steadily rising each game.

Monday night, 8 p.m. tip-off for the Timberwolves vs. Charlotte Hornets. Late-night start? Sure, that’s normal—if we’re playing a West Coast team. Except, last I checked, Charlotte is firmly on the East Coast. Nothing like staying up late on a Monday for a game scheduled by someone who probably thinks North Carolina borders California. Makes about as much sense as half the calls we get in the fourth quarter.

It was nice to watch the Wolves snag a win, especially on a late Monday night. Sure, we’re still a little heartbroken over losing Karl-Anthony Towns, but Anthony Edwards is playing like he’s on a personal mission from beyond the arc. The guy’s draining threes like he’s trying to prove a point—probably to whoever decided 8 p.m. on a Monday was a good idea.

Krazy Kory stopped by Tuesday night for dinner and a front-row seat to watch the Red Wave—or as we like to call it, election night entertainment. We sat there, glued to the screen, like we were watching the Super Bowl, waiting to see if it would live up to the hype or be another classic case of, “Well, that didn’t go as planned.”

Thursday night, we headed to TJ Hooligans for 80’s Music Bingo with some good friends. The concept? They play a song, we struggle to remember the artist and title, and if it’s on your card, you mark it off. We were one square away from winning a few times, especially on the big cover-all. But, in typical Minnesota luck, we left empty-handed—unless you count the laughs and good company as the real jackpot.

Friday night brought another 8 p.m. start, but at least this time it made sense—the Portland Trail Blazers are actually from the West Coast. Luke tagged along, and in a rare twist, he covered snacks, beer, drove us, and even paid for parking. I think he’s figured out the perfect game-day arrangement: I get the tickets, and he handles the rest. Now that’s teamwork I can get behind.

After last year’s scoreboard streak, I’ve been in a bit of a dry spell with getting my face up at Vikings and Wolves games. But tonight, we finally made it back to the big screen! Fame’s tough, though—now I have to leave the arena in disguise like I’m Taylor Swift avoiding the paparazzi. If you see a guy ducking behind a program stand with sunglasses and a hoodie, it’s just me, Minnesota’s latest scoreboard celebrity.

Not only did we get to see the Timberwolves grab another win, but we got a front-row seat to the Anthony Edwards 3-point clinic—nine deep bombs and a total of 37 points. Watching this team click like that, you can’t help but get your hopes up that this could be the start of something special. If they keep this up, maybe this season we’ll finally get the run Minnesota fans have been waiting for.

@toddswank Anthony Edwards is the man! He hit 9 3 pointers and 37 points against Portland tonight. Lets go Wolves! #nba #minnesota #timberwolves #anthonyedwards ♬ Big League - Yo Gotti & Moneybagg Yo & CMG The Label