Todd Swank: November 2024

November 24, 2024

Clear Hearts, Full Holidays, Can’t Lose

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for November 4, 2024

Last year, I told you they discovered I had an aortic aneurysm—a fun little surprise to spice up middle age. This week, I went back to Mayo Clinic for my annual checkup: tests, scans, and the usual pre-appointment dread. The great news? The aneurysm hasn’t grown much, if at all, so no surgery on the horizon, and I don’t need another checkup for a year.

For now, I’m embracing the holiday season, grateful for the good news, and pretending I’ll actually follow my doctor’s advice about exercise. Life’s not perfect, but it’s good—and that’s more than enough to celebrate.

One of my tests this week was a full MRI of my heart. I thought I'd done one of these before, but that must have been a CT Scan. I thought it’d be quick—maybe a minute or two. Then, five minutes in, I was still trapped in the tube, and panic crept up like a bad punchline. They’d given me an emergency bubble to squeeze, which I initially thought was overkill. Turns out, I was gripping it like my life depended on it in no time.

Embarrassed after they pulled me out, I asked the technicians how much longer would it take? When they said, “30 to 45 minutes,” I nearly lost it. After a quick pep talk and some deep breaths, I told them to send me back in. Physically, it was uncomfortable—my arm hurt, my hand went numb, and I felt like a sardine in a can. But mentally? That was the real fight.

I cycled through stress techniques and prayers, but the thing that saved me? Karaoke. I silently sang Born to Be Wild, What a Wonderful World, and Let’s Go Crazy on repeat, clinging to the songs like a lifeline. When it was finally over, I was grateful—not just for the good results, but for surviving 45 minutes in the ultimate test of mental endurance. And yes, I’ll be adding “karaoke under duress” to my resume.

Driving back from Mayo Clinic, winter decided to make an entrance with snow, ice, and a truck spinning out right in front of us. Luckily, we made it home safe, though the roads were a bit of a circus. I read the next day there 577 accidents throughout the state of Minnesota that evening. The snow’s already gone, but it was a reminder that Minnesota’s winter shenanigans are just warming up.

Buckle up—it’s going to be a ride.

Miss Sheri and I were lucky enough to score advanced screening tickets for Gladiator II before its release. While the original film was a gritty masterpiece that made you feel the dust and blood of the Colosseum, this sequel cranks up the spectacle to an almost absurd level. Think vicious monkeys and sharks in the arena—it’s a bit much, but somehow still works. Sure, it’s over the top, but for a couple of hours, you’re back in the days of the Roman Empire, soaking in the chaos and drama. If you loved the first movie, this one’s a wild ride worth taking.

It’s hard to believe Thanksgiving is here already—time to kick off the season of holiday shopping, festive chaos, and the joy of finding that one perfect gift you know will make someone smile. But the best part? Spending time with family, friends, and the people who make the holidays feel like home. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone—here’s to full hearts, empty wallets, and enough pie to forget about both!

Ever wonder if AI could help make you smarter with your money? Earlier this year, I let ChatGPT inspire me to dive into quantum computing stocks, turning $6,000 into nearly $11,000 in eight months. No, this isn’t a pitch or a get-rich-quick scheme—just a fun, wild experiment that paid off. I’m sharing the full story because it’s proof that with curiosity, guts, and a little help from technology, we can explore amazing opportunities.

Check it out here: The ChatGPT Investment Experiment: How I Nearly Doubled My Money.

@toddswank Excited to be at an advanced screening for Gladiator 2! #gladiatorIImn ♬ Gladiator Available on Digital - Paramount Pictures

November 17, 2024

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Thanksgiving

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for November 17, 2024

Friday night, we gathered with Grandma Linda and the kids at Redstone American Grill for an early Thanksgiving dinner. No turkey—just steaks, laughter, and the kind of moments that remind you how lucky you are to have family to share them with. Sometimes, it’s not about the food on the table but the people around it.

Since we won’t be together for Thanksgiving this year, we had an early celebration to make sure we still got our family time in. As the family grows, coordinating holidays has become more of a juggling act, but Grandma Linda was her usual gracious self about us not being together on the actual day. Honestly, she’ll probably still have a great time without us—and maybe even enjoy a little extra peace and quiet!

Saturday night, we had the honor of celebrating our friend Joyce’s 90th birthday—a remarkable milestone for a truly wonderful lady. It’s inspiring to see someone who’s lived such a full life surrounded by so much love. Meanwhile, I’ll be lucky to hit 70 with my lifestyle choices—too many pizzas, not enough cardio. But hey, on the bright side, I still take the stairs when the elevator’s broken. Living the dream, one step at a time.

Joyce is Tina's mom. The Zitzewitz family has been a part of our lives for nearly 20 years, ever since our boys first joined Tiger Scouts together. Back then, it was all about Pinewood Derby races, camping in caves, and canoe trips that tested the limits of our sanity and bug spray supply. Through it all, we’ve been lucky to have the Zitzewitz crew along for the ride—always up for an adventure and somehow still willing to hang out with us after two decades. Here’s to friendships built on shared chaos and questionable outdoor survival skills!

We had fun catching up with Troy, Rhonda, and Tom. Troy, our fearless scoutmaster, roped us all into the same pack years ago, sparking countless camping misadventures. I just hope he doesn't still hold a grudge over my “innovative” Pinewood Derby strategies.

Joyce has always shared our love of karaoke, dazzling the room with beautiful classics that make you wonder why music doesn’t sound like that anymore. Of course, half the time I don’t even recognize the songs—probably a side effect of being born a few decades too late to truly appreciate the hits of her heyday. But watching her perform, it’s clear: timeless talent doesn’t need an introduction.

I love singing, but let’s just say my style isn’t for everyone. I lean heavy on the growl and tend to belt out songs like I’m auditioning for a rock opera—loud, dramatic, and completely unapologetic. Miss Sheri was sweating bullets, convinced I’d terrify the crowd. But it must’ve gone alright because one sweet lady even requested I sing What a Wonderful World. Turns out, Louis Armstrong’s growl and mine are practically cousins. Who knew I’d find my karaoke soulmate in a jazz legend?

Avery joined me for the Timberwolves game today. Bit annoying we had to miss most of the Vikings game to be there—because who doesn't love choosing between two hometown teams? Lucky for us, the Vikings were winning when we left and held onto it. So once we confirmed they sealed the deal, we could finally stop obsessively checking our phones and focus on the Wolves. Funny how technology lets you stress over two games at once. But hey, at least we got some quality father-son time—if you count sharing a screen and yelling at it as bonding.

At least we got to see a win. The Wolves trailed nearly the entire game, only to pull off a buzzer-beater thanks to Julius Randle, who apparently saves his best work for the last 0.4 seconds. Devin Booker dropped 44 points and still couldn’t put the Suns over the top—probably because half their team was missing. But hey, a win’s a win, and if this scrappy, sleep-deprived squad can find their rhythm, maybe this season won’t be all heart attacks and late-game miracles. Fingers crossed.

For the second game in a row, I managed to get our picture on the scoreboard during a timeout. It’s such a silly accomplishment, but it brings me an embarrassing amount of joy. Why do I care so much? Probably some lifelong need for attention I should unpack with a therapist. Until then, I’ll keep chasing these scoreboard moments like they’re my personal Super Bowl wins.

@toddswank Timberwolves vs Hornets. 5 baskets in 24 seconds. #nba #minnesota #timberwolves ♬ Rap God - Eminem

November 11, 2024

Spectating Spectacular Sports

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for November 11, 2024

So, after months of using ChatGPT, I decided to ask it for a vision of my "alter ego." Naturally, it gave me a guy with two fully normal arms, because why not start by pretending my left arm is just a fun little memory glitch? After I set it straight with a reminder about the short arm, four fingers, and no thumb deal, it got... creative. Apparently, in AI’s mind, my dream self has robotic limbs like Inspector Gadget on a bender and interchangeable Mr. Potato Head options. I mean, ChatGPT, are you trying to tell me something? Because I’m not saying no—just mildly insulted and very, very curious.

We’ve got season tickets for the Vikings and half a season for the Timberwolves, all thanks to some clever extortion over playoff ticket prices—basically, they’ve got us by the wallet. So now, our lives revolve around Minnesota pro sports, shuffling from one game to the next. Last week was a marathon: three games in six nights, kicking off with Sunday Night Football at U.S. Bank Stadium. And what did we get for our loyalty? That classic Minnesota experience—where the teams may not always win, but they’ll sure as hell charge you like they do.

Miss Sheri joined me for her first regular-season Vikings game at U.S. Bank Stadium—though she’s no rookie this season, having survived a preseason game and our London showdown against the Jets. There’s something magical about bringing the wife to a game. She cheers, she screams, and when things go south, she cusses like she’s auditioning for a Scorsese film. You know it’s a rough game when I’m the one telling her to tone it down.

The Vikings came in on a two-game skid, and Sam Darnold looked shaky early on, treating the ball like it was dipped in butter. But he rallied, throwing three second-half touchdowns, while the defense turned Joe Flacco’s comeback attempt into a rough night. Despite three turnovers, we scraped out a 21-13 win over the Colts, proving once again that Vikings football is a mix of grit, luck, and our blood pressure steadily rising each game.

Monday night, 8 p.m. tip-off for the Timberwolves vs. Charlotte Hornets. Late-night start? Sure, that’s normal—if we’re playing a West Coast team. Except, last I checked, Charlotte is firmly on the East Coast. Nothing like staying up late on a Monday for a game scheduled by someone who probably thinks North Carolina borders California. Makes about as much sense as half the calls we get in the fourth quarter.

It was nice to watch the Wolves snag a win, especially on a late Monday night. Sure, we’re still a little heartbroken over losing Karl-Anthony Towns, but Anthony Edwards is playing like he’s on a personal mission from beyond the arc. The guy’s draining threes like he’s trying to prove a point—probably to whoever decided 8 p.m. on a Monday was a good idea.

Krazy Kory stopped by Tuesday night for dinner and a front-row seat to watch the Red Wave—or as we like to call it, election night entertainment. We sat there, glued to the screen, like we were watching the Super Bowl, waiting to see if it would live up to the hype or be another classic case of, “Well, that didn’t go as planned.”

Thursday night, we headed to TJ Hooligans for 80’s Music Bingo with some good friends. The concept? They play a song, we struggle to remember the artist and title, and if it’s on your card, you mark it off. We were one square away from winning a few times, especially on the big cover-all. But, in typical Minnesota luck, we left empty-handed—unless you count the laughs and good company as the real jackpot.

Friday night brought another 8 p.m. start, but at least this time it made sense—the Portland Trail Blazers are actually from the West Coast. Luke tagged along, and in a rare twist, he covered snacks, beer, drove us, and even paid for parking. I think he’s figured out the perfect game-day arrangement: I get the tickets, and he handles the rest. Now that’s teamwork I can get behind.

After last year’s scoreboard streak, I’ve been in a bit of a dry spell with getting my face up at Vikings and Wolves games. But tonight, we finally made it back to the big screen! Fame’s tough, though—now I have to leave the arena in disguise like I’m Taylor Swift avoiding the paparazzi. If you see a guy ducking behind a program stand with sunglasses and a hoodie, it’s just me, Minnesota’s latest scoreboard celebrity.

Not only did we get to see the Timberwolves grab another win, but we got a front-row seat to the Anthony Edwards 3-point clinic—nine deep bombs and a total of 37 points. Watching this team click like that, you can’t help but get your hopes up that this could be the start of something special. If they keep this up, maybe this season we’ll finally get the run Minnesota fans have been waiting for.

@toddswank Anthony Edwards is the man! He hit 9 3 pointers and 37 points against Portland tonight. Lets go Wolves! #nba #minnesota #timberwolves #anthonyedwards ♬ Big League - Yo Gotti & Moneybagg Yo & CMG The Label

November 3, 2024

Minnesota's Pumpkin Wonderland: The Jack O' Lantern Spectacular

Todd Swank's Diary Entry for November 3, 2024

This fall in Minnesota was unusually warm, making the trees hang on to their leaves far past their due date. But as soon as we got some rain this week, they all seemed to drop at once, like the trees were playing a cruel joke. Thankfully, Miss Sheri loves raking—otherwise, we'd be buried up to our ears and Googling “how to winterize a leaf pile?”

The white stuff made its appearance this week, because why wouldn’t it? It’s Minnesota. Still, somehow, we’re never quite mentally prepared when it shows up, clinging to fall like we’re in a custody battle with winter—the parent no one wants to live with.

On Wednesday night, we headed to the Minnesota Zoo for the Jack-O-Lantern Spectacular. This event boasts thousands of intricately carved pumpkins, turning the zoo into a glowing wonderland of illuminated art and eerie displays. Each pumpkin tells a different story, ranging from iconic scenes to creative, spooky designs. Walking through, it's clear this is Halloween on steroids, where even the pumpkins are working overtime for your amazement. By the end, you start questioning your own carving skills and wondering if a triangle-eyed face ever really cut it.

Walking deep into the zoo, we spent a solid 20 minutes cracking jokes about how we’d been duped into the world's longest, pumpkin-less hike. But when we finally reached the spectacle, it hit us like a Halloween fever dream. Thousands of glowing, intricately carved pumpkins staring back at us, and suddenly, the walk didn't feel so ridiculous. Turns out, the joke was on us—those pumpkins knew exactly how to stage a dramatic entrance.

I’ve always admired artists, mostly because I can’t draw a stick figure that looks trustworthy. But these pumpkin-carving virtuosos? Next level. I can’t even fathom where to start making something like this, and there were hundreds of them. Then you find out they spend 10 hours carving each one only for it to turn into a mushy science project in four days. That’s the kind of commitment that makes the rest of us look like slackers.

Seeing Beavis and Butthead carved into a pumpkin brought back all those “yeah yeah, cool” memories from back in the day. Their take on life was always pure, stupid brilliance—finding enlightenment in nachos and chanting “fire” like it was a mantra. And now, they’re enshrined on a pumpkin destined to rot quicker than Beavis’s chances of ever scoring. It’s the perfect nod to two icons who thrived on chaos and temporary glory.

The Jack-O-Lantern Spectacular really leaned into its Minnesota roots with references to everything from Paul Bunyan to, yes, a pumpkin carved with a Spam can. For those outside the Midwest, Spam isn’t just a sketchy meat product—it’s a point of pride here. Born in Austin, Minnesota, this iconic canned mystery meat got many families through tough times and became the unofficial state mascot that nobody asked for. Seeing it carved meticulously on a pumpkin? That’s when you know the state fair vibe is alive and well, even in late October.

Seeing Anthony Edwards carved into a pumpkin was a tribute I didn't know I needed. His standout performances for Team USA this past summer, where he showcased his scoring prowess and leadership, reminded us why he's such a fan favorite. Naturally, it set the stage perfectly for our next outing—catching him in action at a Timberwolves game.

Miss Sheri and I hit our first Timberwolves game of the season, buzzing with optimism because, hey, they made it to the Western Conference finals last year. We’re hoping they go even farther this time. Maybe all the way to the finals, where they can finally achieve what we all expect: a dramatic fourth-quarter collapse and the phrase “Well, there’s always next year” said through gritted teeth. Ah, Minnesota sports—where hope springs eternal and dies just as quickly.

As luck would have it, our first game of the season was against Luka, Kyrie, and the Dallas Mavericks—basically, the guys who sent us packing last year. The Wolves looked ready for battle, and the crowd was buzzing with the hope that this time would be different. But with Luka’s smirk and Kyrie’s unpredictability, we knew it could go one of two ways: victory or that familiar Minnesota feeling we all know too well—the "close, but let’s start drafting our apologies for next year."

Anthony Edwards came out swinging, dropping 24 points in the first quarter with six 3-pointers, making the Mavericks wonder if they’d wandered into a shooting clinic. Meanwhile, Luka Doncic put up a modest 5 points, looking less like the star and more like the guy holding everyone’s jackets. By the time the quarter ended, it was clear: Edwards was on a mission, and the rest of us were just praying Minnesota wouldn’t find a way to ruin it.

The game was a rollercoaster—momentum swinging back and forth with every possession. Just when the Wolves seemed ready to pull ahead, Luka and Kyrie would hit back like a one-two punch, reminding us that hope in Minnesota sports is always a fragile thing.

In the end, Luka and Kyrie proved why they’re the dynamic duo, with their supporting cast stepping up to seal the deal. The Wolves gave it their all, but Dallas walked away with the win, leaving us with that familiar post-game mantra: "It’s a long season, we’ll figure it out… right?"